So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
