is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
