so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
