Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
