You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
