i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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