Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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