We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
