Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
