Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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