It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
