You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
