okay pat passed out under dana's car
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
