I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
