Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
