Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you inspire me to be a worse person
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
