In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
