Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
