If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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