**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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