I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize