My nipple is on Facebook.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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