roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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