the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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