Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
