She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We are two peas in an std pod
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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