HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
