Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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