I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
