I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize