Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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