Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize