Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize