It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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