His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
