Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
