You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
did i just pee glitter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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