Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
