Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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