all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
