I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
