So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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