I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
