ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
