I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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