Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
