I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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