just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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