if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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