Kiss
Puke
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ok first of all what the fuck
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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