Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
