I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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