yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
