you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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