In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
