do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
