i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize