he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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