She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
