are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
