He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
