I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ugly people sure do ruin things
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
