Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
