My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I touched a dick in church today
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
