I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
