And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
