i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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