and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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