would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize