pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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