ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
