The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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