Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
