There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
