good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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